Are you Trying to Drive Me Crazy?
Short answer, yes. In all his Boomer nonchalantness…YES. Underneath it all is a lesson to learn…
This is my dad. One Ronnie D. Williams, who hails from Chicago. Grew up on 60th and Union, and currently resides in Brainerd. He’s retired, is partial to gray and silver, and is a Trekkie. He’s an avid Jeopardy watcher, frugal as heck, and his lawn is unnaturally green. He raises roses, has three parakeets, and likes to purchase gadgets. He’s my favorite Capricorn and the reason why yours truly is a bit of an asssssss. I picked up my cynicism, sarcasm, and troubleshooting tactics from him. He taught me the reward of hard work, the strength in honesty, and has been an upstanding example of emotional intelligence since day one. He is the reason trips to hardware stores get me geeked, and his voice is my inner conscience. (Usually, telling me not to buy something I do not need…) He’s a good-natured human being, but heaven help me — this man is going to drive me crazy!
I get it — our parents aren’t as tuned in to electronics and technology as some of us are. Granted they bought us the technology, sent us to the classes, and told us to set it up — a lot of them are in an “I can do with or without it” frame of mind. That’s sort of cool, but it’s also a bit…unnerving. I love pops, but I found myself in a worry spiral last week when I could not get him right away. It’s silly, but he’s my last living parent. He’s 69, but the man ain’t just sitting around puttering. He understands his limits, he can take care of himself, and his girlfriend is also there — but alas…his very old child is still worried about him! Hello, I grew up on the Southside of Chicago. It was wild then, it’s wilder now. He is just as aware as I am, but my goodness the flaming heat of fear that ran through me!
Again, he’s not that tuned in. He loves technology, but it doesn’t need to be with him all the time. He doesn’t do social media, he watches the TV for news, and his stream box is his favorite piece of modern media. He’ll text from time to time, and maybe email me, but usually will call me. He has a tablet, a Chromebook, and a barely used desktop PC — all things he will sometimes access to pay bills or look at a new DIY tool. So, when I say he’s not that tuned in, he ain’t.
I made a Facebook for him, just so no one else would claim to be him. I sometimes remotely help him with certain things. When I was in Chicago, I was his digital right hand. Heck, he paid for the classes, so why not let the kid handle the updates and such? When I came back to visit, I reformatted his PC and set up a mini office in the dining room. He was thankful and liked the setup, but again — Pops was not suddenly immersed in the world of digital. Hell, there’s a VR headset somewhere in the house collecting dust.
It’s all good, but the one thing that got to me the other day was the whole phone situation. Mine is always by my side. I’m a remote worker. I also create content, purchase items, dabble in Crypto, and take surveys. I like taking pictures of flowers, and bugs. Most of my fitness stuff is on the phone. I grew up in a time when most of that stuff was all in a huge pile you needed to shove in a bag. Now it’s all in my pocket. I watched society evolve into clouds and giant servers. Technology was so different when I was a kid. I became a part of it when dad brought our first PC home in 1996. H tried his best to prepare me for the future.
The “phone thing” isn’t that complex — he just tends not to have it within earshot, sometimes. It sounds like a horrific thing to me, because most of my life is on the frickin’ thing. That’s a lot of missed calls, work assignments, money opportunities, and Amazon sales. Baby, all my little games and rankings would tank. But…is it so bad to be tuned out? I know of at least one old Tumblr acquaintance who did it for his mental health. He got married and suddenly disappeared. I have an older cousin who barely comes online, and he shares baking photos and cool music on Instagram.
What if tuning out is the one thing that helps with my anxiety? What if tuning out suddenly alleviates the carpal tunnel and eye floaties (it probably would…) that plague my cracklin’ old existence? My job is wide open where I can take a day or two off, and I’m not trying to crack any more than I already have. What if my dad has the right idea, even though it means his nutty child (and the rest of the world) cannot reach him for a bit? The phone, in his world, is a nice device…but an afterthought. That scares me a bit — being unable to reach him — but it’s like facing the very Nichiren Buddhist practices/thought I’ve been immersed in since I started practicing. There’s so much more to life than material things. There’s a calmness and weightlessness to focusing on the bigger pictures in life — perpetuations of peace, creativity, togetherness, family — things he does almost every day with his lady and her crew. He’s sort of a “grandpa” to one of her daughter’s sons. That fills me with a swell of pride.
I know my dad would tell me if something was up. I know his girlfriend or my neighbors would give me a jingle. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I’m so happy that he’s here to see 69 and soon 70 in January. Overjoyed that he’s been retired since 2006. I want to give him so much more. I miss our trail walks and that “special coffee” he would bring. I miss hearing his silly songs while he’s cooking or doing dad stuff. He fusses at me often (health, finances) but has always been in my corner. We have talked about philosophy, life, relationships, booze, and hell…edibles… — and he’s just so mellow and laid back being Ron. I love that about him. He’s approachable and so loving. I am extremely fortunate to have a father like him in my corner. His well-being matters a great deal to me!
He’s been through a lot in his life and seeing him mellow and on the other side of life — the retired side — fills me with pride. His father did not have a lot of time to enjoy his retirement, so seeing my dad find himself has been one amazing journey. As he always says: “I’m Ron Williams! I love myself!”
The deadly silence of his not answering made a lot go through my head. I’m not proud of that. “Natural worrier who branches out” should be stamped on my butt. I don’t expect him to answer every time, but something about instant voicemail had me thinking some very ID Channel type of stuff. Finding out that his phone is sometimes just in the car or uncharged made me a little mad, but there was no need to fuss. He’s fine, I’m fine, and the world keeps on moving. Sometimes a tune-out is needed. Sound advice, RDW.
