See Dirt, Get Scrubby…
First of all, one person’s hygienic agenda might be another’s shock. For example, whenever haircare comes up, everything (usually) comes to a halt when Black folks talk about how often we wash our hair. It differs from person to person, but I will never forget the shock of my schoolmates when they realized I only washed my hair maybe once or twice a week. I know most of them did it daily, usually being able to air-dry or use a hairdryer to style without a bunch of steps and products.
Our hair usually requires styling and attention that a daily routine would not allow. That’s drying, getting products together, and lots of styling. Not only would that be major product buildup, but the hair would be absolutely heat and/or style damaged from having to manage it after a daily wash. Depending on personal preference, a certain style might require a lot more time than an allotted hour before school or work may provide. Most Black folks (again, we’re all different and come from different places) usually keep the daily routine as short and direct as possible. Maintenance, if you will. A daily moisturizer, pomade, or gel, maybe a bump of heat (curlers, flat iron), possibly taking hair down from a wrap, and the famous bonnet. I wear a loc sock to bed to cover my locs and keep them from being too frizzy. Maybe I mist them with water or rosewater prior, and work a little jojoba oil on my scalp/locs.)
When it comes to showering and bathing, there really wasn’t that much of a deviation between myself and my classmates. Unless you wanted to get talked about, you covered the basics. None of it was new, and my goodness it was expected in those less than fresh hormonal years. My point is this: different maintenance routines work for different folks. No two are the same.
However…
A lack of showering, washing up, or bathing on a regular basis ain’t where it’s at. Sorry to anyone who feels like it is, but when the funk hits the fan, my super senses want to gag, and this current discussion of letting dirt and funk be is really grossing me out! I don’t have the heart to tell somebody they offend. I’ve been there, it isn’t a pretty convo, and it’s super uncomfortable to bring up! Somebody else may speak up in a heartbeat that something is stankin’, and probably won’t be too kind about it. After the age of 10, you have no reason to be funky. (If we’re being brutally honest, you should never be so funky or dirty that somebody gags or wants to barf at any age.)
Keep in mind that some people cannot help how they smell. Could be TMAU or something else. I’m not coming for them at all. This is all about people who are absolutely able to de-funk, but choose not to. This is for people who make up rules and excuses for being crusty and musty. I would never come for folks who may have a hard time keeping clean for any reason — be it finances, ability, or depression. The world is cruel enough.
I don’t have a full knowledgebase of what other cultures do, so I cannot speak nor comment on what they do, ’cause I refuse to be an ignorant Westerner. (As much as I can avoid it, anyway.) Google can only tell you so much, but we mostly assume that cleanliness and smelling good are common human goals. History tells us that some cultures have been at this cleanliness thing for centuries. (Although even some of that can be eyebrow-raising…) So who then, am I referring to? I’m talking about some of these folks online who keep saying some doctor told them not to give their kid too many baths to avoid dry skin. I’m looking at the moms who go on and on about pools being baths. I’m looking at the rich culprits who’re talkin’ about spottin’ dirt and waitin’ for the stank to rise.
I stare in concerned grandma, listening to the “body cleans itself” thing. Yes, the vagina is a natural cleanser and we don’t want to upset her with harsh soaps and products, but sister girl still needs care on the vulva and pubic mound side. Your balls need a good ol’ fashioned howdy-do to stay fresh. Physically active people need to rinse off, and those of us who are bigger have folds and rolls that sweat. All these movements to avoid the shower, bath, and basin simply do not compute. My Grandma Ellen would absolutely not have it.
Oh honey.
If I ever went days without ablutions of some form, my grandma would have tossed me in the tub herself. She would have had me in the yard in a washbin or something! I’m just imagining her picking up a hose and tossing me a rag with soap and demanding I clean myself. She’d finger-wag me to death with a lecture about cleanliness and being a lady. One of my maternal aunts would super-scrub my little body in a way that that burned like HELL to make sure all parts were addressed whenever I came to visit. The super-scrub left my little body clean, but a li’l raw. Why did she scrub so hard in the first place? Because sometimes kids are notorious for skimming the important parts and trying to end the bath/shower to do something else. (I wasn’t, because I was obsessed with 80s-90s sweet-smelling soaps and lotions.)
I won’t say all kids can’t be trusted to clean up, but let’s be real here — by the time you’ve spotted the dirt, there’s a whole ecosystem forming on the body. Kids these days develop faster, and musty odors are right behind them. With all the soaps and washes and de-funkin’ creams (Happy Monkey and Lume, what whaaat) in this world, there is no excuse for dirt nor funk. There are choices from mainstream to the organic to bust suds and come out fresh ‘n’ clean without dry skin.
What’s Up With Pools?
A pool is not a tub. That’s chlorine, body oils, farts, and you know somebody peed in the pool. You can’t just let the kids run free in the pool and declare them clean. You’re also supposed to rinse off when you leave the pool. Hello? The stories of kids washing up in pools don’t quite sound like the wonderful childhood summer tales some of these moms make them out to be. It sounds like chlorine-laden laziness. Yes, the childless middle-aged woman said it!
Bathtubs and showers exist for a reason. The bathroom sink ain’t just sittin’ there holding sundries for fun. I’m sure the pool guy/woman/person is going through quite enough with the filters and the pH levels without you messing everything up with bathroom soaps and shampoos, trying to make that chemical-laden re-up seem like a good idea. If it’s like that, create a private space and have an outdoor shower. Am I the only person who thinks bathing in a pool is odd?
Lather and Rinse…
Birdbaths and/or the PTA (pits, tits, assssssss) are best reserved for quickies and refreshers. They’re perfect for babies because it’s practically a bath until you put them in the li’l baby bath thing or they graduate to a tub. It’s great when you're short on time. You can absolutely hit crevices and scrub-a-dub. The extended PTA can rival a shower at best, depending on how far you go. This does not, however, replace shower or bathing. Anyone who has the resources (because some homes do not have tubs or showers, but maybe just sinks or outdoor plumbing) should be able to take care.
Feeling dirt on my body is yucky. It feels heavy, gritty, and unpleasant. Smelling, as a woman, is embarrassing. Is it my monthly, is it something I missed, is it sweat…what? The feeling of being un-fresh goes far beyond those goofy commercials full of flowers, pastels, and blinding lights with some teen asking her mom about removing the stank. Nobody wants to offend, but for yours truly it has always been a series of steps to go the extra mile to make sure I smell good all the time. Lying around in my own filth isn’t something I like to do. No matter how often I have been outside or active, I like to stay fresh. My skin can breathe, I exfoliate and come out shining in my sexy bathrobe smelling like fresh flowers and grapefruit. I emerge as a cleansed goddess who feels soft and…lovely.
If You see Dirt, It’s Too Late
The dust mites, microbes, and bacteria are on our bodies munching, lovin’, reproducing, and farting out grossness as we speak. While I can agree that constant washing may dry the skin, I don’t think that the other extreme is any better. If I wait to clean myself or any future kids when I finally see the dirt, we have a problem. The dirt is on the furniture, the clothes, in mouths, and let’s not get into what happens when you let the skin just be dirty for long periods of time. Not to mention, if you’re itchy….you’re gonna scratch. Now you’ve got nastiness under your nails. Fingers travel, and most of the time they’re going in your mouth. Tack that onto a kid who is out of school for the summer or running around outside with playmates. I don’t know about you, but I ain’t gonna be contributing to another Black Plague. I’m in enough hot water avoiding Covid!!
A woman on Twitter said it best: “You use the bathroom every day. You sweat, you go outside, and you’re in the environment around you. The dirt is there daily, and you need to wash.”
Letting things be until dirt shows up sounds gross. All that excess skin, the threat of fungus and infection, bad smells, and just…the look of dirt! I don’t care how rich or poor you are, that whole Earthy person thing sounds like an excuse to be dirty. That’s a film on your body, specks on your skin….and you know some of them are sticky. YOU KNOW IT! With all the sauces and juices kids consume, as well as crumbly things — I don’t want to see dirt. Everyone is either having a bath or a shower…or a PTA meeting to cover things until the next day.
Everyone needs a rinse.
Fun for The Rich, Not so much for Us.
Maybe rich people have some sort of magic machine that makes their dirt different from us regular folks, and the definition of “dirt” is nothing more than the brown specks from the natural air or something. Maybe it’s atmosphere goo. I have no idea! As much as some of them work out and go out, you’d think that they’d want to shower and bathe as much as possible. It’s definitely not about water conservation. All I can say is that the average person has to worry about more than illness and germs, but also inquiries from agencies like CPS. Concerned teachers and other adults make those calls, you know. And in the inner-city where I came up, if you were funky or smelly or dirty….kids dogged the ever-lovin' hell outta you. There was no room for nastiness. The affluent don’t have to worry about that, so it’s all giggles and the current media-obsessed frenzy for attention. It would be nice if they all spared us and left some mystery to their hygienic rituals. Just tell me what skincare you use, damn it.
These rich folks proudly advertising their funk, lack of washing/bathing, and goodness knows what else are also on another tax bracket than you or I. A dietary difference probably makes them smell better and/or sweat less. I’m sure a lot of them have access to exclusive washes and soaps that most of us don’t know about/cannot afford. I personally think that there’s more to this than just being funky and unwashed, although it’s still kind of gross.
When you feel the dirt, you’re beyond needing a hosing off. When you smell the funk, others smell it too. Affluence be damned, dirt and funk need to be washed down the drain. How can you be rich and celebrate a lack of washing? How can you be trusted on the red carpet? What’s under that makeup? Is it crust?
It is assumed, at least in most Western cultures and beyond, that we as people will do our part not to offend with bodily odors and lack of hygiene. We all have different opinions on the matter. Looking over those who…strive to be funky and dirty for fetish-based reasons, nobody really tries to work on being dirty on purpose. Maybe we are all taking what was said too far, but the comments coming after the statement shocked me. Bathing in the pool, not showering often because of what a doctor said, hosing off with no soap…ehhh…well, alright then.
Maybe There’s a Line
Some people bathe and wash daily. Some do it every other day. There are experts with guidelines on the how/when, who suggest that if you aren’t in contact with outside and bacteria daily, then you don’t need to wash daily/as often. You know, fine…to each their own. In my personal opinion, there needs to be some contact with soap and/or cleanser at least once a day. You sweat, you use the facilities, you may have cleaned something or gone somewhere that’s a little dusty. I would absolutely hope that anyone who has done housework or yardwork would shower that night. I cringe at the idea of bringing dirt, dust, or funk to bed. That’s my main issue — you’re definitely bringing stuff to bed.
I get not wanting to dry out skin or remove protective layers. I can acknowledge that parents want to care for their babies to make their new lives as comfortable as possible. That little bundle has crevices and folds, though. I think there’s a difference between waiting and starting a dirt ‘n’ fungus garden. Again, there are soft and organic alternatives to soaps and washes for those worried about drying skin.
No, we can’t make people wash daily or re-up certain areas after activities. We can’t chase people around with cleansing wipes and soap. As much as I’d like to power wash the funk of conventions (con crud is real and comes from a lack of practice), I would definitely go straight to jail. It’s unfortunate that those who are able won’t de-crud, de-funk, or fix-up. Others have to endure their lack of care. It makes me itch to hear rich people flex so hard about being dirty and stinky. In this COVID-19 world, the last thing I want is a mutation based on uncleanliness. There are already enough going around as we speak. Imagine some kind of Corona Black Plague thing making situations even worse than they are right now.
Yeah, hard pass.
Cleanliness is a necessary yet sensitive topic. A lot of people have ideas on what makes for good hygienic practice, and some of those make things worse. (Lookin’ right at you, Summer’s Eve coochie wash!!) Maybe a little dirt won’t hurt, but a lot of dirt and lack of care ain’t exactly sunshine and cupcakes, either. For the sake of your health and those around you:
