Slippery, Elusive
Dedicated to a very mysterious individual.
I sit in the office chair you bought me,
thinking about endless futures together,
knowing full well I’ll never have a present
to get there.
I’ve never been clever enough
to find myself at your side —
always a hypothetical
wrapped within lust.
Lust.
Remember that time I almost went traveling?
That time we almost slow danced on New Year’s Eve?
Always almost, never completely there.
You were the one I never got to hold in my arms.
An interesting enigma
wrapped in nerdcore reliability.
Coolness, calmness —
Desirability so deep,
that you invaded my dreams
to make love to my mind.
As silver dances across my forehead,
And life taps its watch on my womanhood,
I have accepted all that will not be.
For my own sanity,
I had to cast you from my life.
All dramatics aside,
Maybe it would have worked.
Had I more money,
Had we both true interest
and guts,
New York and Chicago could have been ours.
I committed the greatest sin in Georgia,
comparing you to him.
New Rochelle, Buffalo.
So,
Why now?
Why here?
Why,
With cooling coffee
and a messy desk?
Within all the chambers of this heart,
armed with a maudlin mind,
I’ll always wonder what never was.
Can’t say you got away,
Never had you for too long.
If,
at all.
Cool as y’all come,
I know how natural slipping in
and out
can be.
As much as I hate it,
The random surprise of your presence
often reminds me I’m a woman.
You’ve seen beauty in me
that I’ve slowly accepted over time.
(Sometimes.)
I sit in the office chair you bought me,
piecing together fragments of our digital past.
Embers of hope
turned to ashes of finality.
For my own sanity,
I had to stop holding out for the “future”.
Whatever I was to you,
Whenever,
Seems so far away —
Dreamlike,
“Just for the moment.”
